Author Archives: Paul Leader

The Traveller’s Rest- So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen…Hello.

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From Shadow to Shadow.

So a chapter finally closes after three years for another one to be written. My final blog on Martin’s Perspective’s page. It has been an amazing roller coaster ride of ups and downs, of discovery and rediscovery, of hope and pain, of disconnection, reconnection and fresh connections. But I just felt the time was right to step out of Martin’s shadow. Not that it was a bad place to be, it was the complete opposite, a place of safety and security where I could have lived and dwelt and continued to write forever, but there must be a time for stepping out, for stretching, for adventure into the unknown and unbeaten path. Space needs to be made for other’s with equally valid stories, because it emerges there are many, and with this step it gives space on Martin’s page and the creation of a space on my own page. But I do so with trepidation. It is great writing such honest, questioning blogs when you feel there is someone watching out for you, which Martin may or may not have done all the time, but to walk in risk when there is no one to bounce off is scary. Yet it is all in the growing up. I never felt I was answerable to Martin as he never questioned anything, but to have someone of relationship believing in you is a strength in itself. So with all this in mind and the journey continuing I step out of one shadow and straight into another.

The Traveller’s Rest Buried and Reborn.

For a long time I was going to call the new blog page The Traveller’s Rest for continuation, so people had something that they would relate to, but another theme kept creeping up on me, the one of shadows. The sense that I was coming out of Martin’s shadow and yet writing from a place of shadows. That in the Scriptures there are literal uses of the word shadow that bring signs and healing (2 Kings 20:9-11 and Acts 5:15), the shadow is also a reference to a place of shelter (Psalm 17:8) and it speaks of something that is to come, a type or foreshadow (Colossians 2:17, Hebrews 8:5), plus as Justin Abraham said in a conversation it sounds ‘kinda spooky’. There is also the sense that while living as children of Light we continually in all things live in the place of His shadow. That is why the new blog page will be called ‘Out of the Shadows’. A place where story, life, reality, journey all collide under His safe covering. A place to hear other voices from the shadows other than my own. Over this past three years I have been privileged to build links and relationships with people walking the story in their own way. I want to give opportunity for some of these stories to be heard or at least part of these stories shared. The marginalised, the wanderers, the wild goose chasers, the thinkers, the prayers, the prophetic path walkers, the desert dwellers, the cave men and women, the deconstructors and the constructors, those with a small whisper voice and the voiceless, may this become a safe place to sound off with stuff and journey that may even make my hair turn grey(er). A place where dots can be joined to create a bigger, clearer picture of what God is doing. We all only see in part, but as we share together… Yet from Out of the Shadows the Traveller’s Rest will get a rebirth every Thursday for now so that regular readers will get that continuity of my own story. Thank you for the kind messages that have been posted on here and Facebook, for those taking this journey with me. Do not expect a web page with lots of flash, I am learning as I go, but is that not a picture of the journey itself. We are all learners in this walk of life.

To Humbly Go Where I Have Never Been Before.

The journey never ends and that is why the story continues. For those who will leave the crossing of the paths with my blog page, it has been my privilege to share with you at this juncture. Thank you for taking the time to read these ramblings. I continue to be amazed and humbled that anyone would want to read these thoughts, but so blessed that so many have found something of resonation. Life long, eternal connections have been made through these pages, and for myself that has been a lifeline at times, to realise that I am not alone, although sometimes alone. That it is okay to walk where I am walking and not living the life of a backslider or the antichrist (although can be treated like that at times by some people). That it is fine to live outside the church as construct and find sustenance and life there. That deserts can be turned into places of pools. That I can walk through the valley of the shadow because where I am, He is all the more. So I humbly continue to walk where I have never been before. Sometimes in this virgin soil I spot His footprints, sometimes even my own, but I keep walking. Watching, looking for signs or just the whisper on the wind. Other times there will be silence, stillness, and it is here He is also. Not always comforting but always with the Comforter. Living in the slipstream of the Wild Goose. So this may be farewell from here, but there will always be a welcome over there for those that want to continue to follow the meanderings of an Asda night shift worker, a walker in grace and a lover of adventure and the Adventurer. To be continued… http://pleader05.wordpress.com/

My friend Andrew Butcher wrote this quote on his Facebook page today. A sign? Well God does keep butting in :) .

“If we live beneath the shadow of the Tree, so blood-red, our trials will be transformed into triumphs…” (Herbert Lockyer)

 

The Traveller’s Rest- Penultimate.

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The Journey…

Three years ago I was e-mailed by Martin about guest blogging on here about my journey for a few weeks and then maybe a few other aspects and prophetic things. I do not know whether I ever left the journey part and moved on to the other aspects or prophetic things, the few weeks of journey have turned into a few years and I cannot see that part ever coming to a finishing point. Those other parts are integrated into the story without a moving on from the journey itself. Whatever the journey has been written, recorded, read, replied to, enjoyed, endured, enlightened, puzzled, brought peace and discomfort all in equal measure. I could never have envisaged where it was going or the ebbs and the flows because it is literally walking in the dark (or is that towards the Light so I am dazzled by the brightness?) in places where I have never been before. The experience of the experiment. A roller-coaster ride that seems to have no stopping point. Those tentative steps have been recorded in all their glory, along with the trips and falls. A life lived in the margins and yet out there in the open for all to read. I have never felt so vulnerable and yet so safe. I have never felt so accountable and yet so free. What a ride!!! I am just so grateful to Martin for having the courage to invite me to blog on his site. Although I consider Martin a Spiritual Father to myself personally and to this land called Wales we have sadly had very little time in each others company. A relationship born out of the Sowing Seeds prayer weeks where something just resonated and clicked. A visit that I will always say began my ruin and yet began my restoration. To invite me to blog was therefore an amazing surprise and an incredible privilege. The invitation came at my lowest point and was in a way a lifeline. A hand pulling up out of the water in which I was drowning in. The dark night of the soul. Still floundering around in lack of identity, rejection, hurt, doubt, fear, isolation. Into that confused world came this e-mail, which I think became like ointment poured forth and therapy to my mind and soul. That my journey was okay. My questions were fine. My walking outside the walls was not a walk of the lost but a walk of discovery. Given freedom to say or write anything in a safe place and yet knowing that mutual love and care would look out for me. I cannot say that I made it through to anywhere but I have found a love and acceptance of where I am. I can live in the place of no answers. I can loiter in the margins. I can enjoy the journey and not have to worry about destinations. Without this outlet I do not know how the journey would have unfolded but I thank God for that invitation three years ago. Martin I honour and love you. It is a joy to walk with you.

Connected in disconnection.

Through this blog I have discovered many others on a journey. Not all making the same decisions, not all leaving the church per se, but on a journey to see God redeem something. Many others feeling isolation and yet finding some form of connection through the story. The relief to some that someone else is out there and saying it is okay. God’s in the wild walk outside the walls. I thank God for connections made. Some so far remain in words on here or as Facebook friends. Others I have had the privilege of meeting as I have journeyed to Sweden, Cramlington, Latvia and Romford. Relationships forged through the dismantling of lives and churches. Friends of a deep, deep level. In all my years of being a Christian I have never had such relationships of reality. People that you can truly be real and honest with without trying to be a church superstar. I thank God that I have these people in my life and I am believing for so many more. What I lack here in my own locality, as many believers think I have lost the plot, I have gained in so many more  ways. I may be on my own but I very rarely feel alone anymore. Dreams have been lived, especially my dream to one day stand in Scandinavia, and I thank Maria and Torbjorn who have made that possible, and the clan in Cramlington who were the first to invite this journey man to share his story, which led to the rekindling of a dream as I looked over the north sea. People who accuse me of not being part of the Body or not being in fellowship or not being connected know nothing of the story. There is so much connection in this place of disconnection, yet connected not through what we do but through the Spirit of adventure, journey, pain, rejection, reality, the blank canvas. The community of the marginalised is so much larger than we all realise. I love my family.

Out of the Shadow.

So why all these meandering thoughts, as one of my friends recently called them (bless you Mark). I have felt for a while that I needed to step out of Martin’s shadow on his blog page. Those few weeks have lasted three years, and I could keep on recorded my journey here, but it is all about making space and stepping out into the big wide world without the apron strings. I want to make space for others to record their journey on Martin’s page so they too can experience the privilege and space that I did. I know he would never say it or even think it but I do not want to out stay my welcome, and it is all part of growing up into what God has for me. I am not the greatest computer literate man but from the first week in February the journey will continue on my own attempt at a blog page. It may not have too many pretty pictures and intricate designs but it will be the story continued, ever ebbing and ever flowing. Would love for you to continue to join me if you so desire. I will put the details and link in next weeks final blog on this page. I too want to give space to others to share something of their journey. I want it to be a place of community as well as a place of thought, journey, ideas from my own journey. I do not have too many plans because I want it to take a shape all of its own. I know this move will reduce my readership in some ways, but for me the journey was never about numbers but about God and people, especially those who find connection in some way. I am at the same time nervous and excited. The blank canvas is there to be written on with invisible ink, never held onto too tightly. A shape-shifting world where God is the source of all that is both constant and flowing. To those of you who will leave the journey here thank you for reading and bless you in your own journey. To those who will take a peak the journey continues and will be blogged as each tentative footstep is taken. So to the final chapter here next week and then the ongoing journey.

 

The Traveller’s Rest- Is Organic Church Ever Possible?

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Simples.

Always enjoy what people like Frank Viola, Neal Cole and George Barna have to say about church and how far we have strayed from a Biblical concept of what Ekklesia was truly meant to be. The books ‘Pagan Christianity’ and ‘Organic Church’ have I am sure been read by many readers of these blogs and plenty of areas of agreement have been found, so much so that maybe some have deemed to begin ‘Organic’, ‘Missional’ or ‘Simple’ churches. Yet this is where my problem with the whole area starts. To plant something organically sounds great in theory but even the act of planting an organic church seems to already make the church non-organic in my opinion, and it is an opinion. Just like organic farming, can there truly be such a concept? To me the two words are like an oxymoron when placed together, you are either organic or you are a church, is it really possible to be both? In many ways once it becomes a way of doing church better than everybody else and something that needs to be organised it becomes as structural in the loosest sense as any other church. As I often say once a book gets written about it and it can be recognised and has characteristic we can note then it becomes something to label and categorise. We read the books by these writers and go to the conferences to learn how to do it and then it stops being what it intended to be. As my friend Mark Pixley recently commented ‘organic is the new traditional’. I am sure many of these people probably stumbled upon the process of relationships and worshipping as community with little or no organisation, and then they become the name for the movement. They give the movement a name. Then comes a sense of definition which equates whether you are or whether you are not. People read the definition and then give it a go to see if it succeeds or fails. If it looks like what the books are saying it has worked, if it doesn’t it has failed and we’ll look for something else, the next concept. Surely once you have made Google you are no longer truly organic!

Grown Up Out of the Soil.

This is a phrase that Frank Viola recently said that really resonates with me. A shame he had to complete the sentence by writing ‘of authentic church life’. What is that? Something else that needs a definition and I’m sure in Frank’s mind can be recognised as authentic or not. That is where it all falls down. I want to see the authentic and it must be grown up out of the soil, but the landscape where I live is totally different to anywhere else. The authentic from the soil is different here to anywhere else. There must be a burial of seed. For the authentic apostolic and prophetic to be, they must be foundational, under the earth, in the earth, earthed. Unseen and unlabelled. Surrounded by grit. Authenticity then grows from the soil. I have often said that what needs to be will flow from the contours of the land we are sown into. The river flows with the land unless it becomes a canal and gets directed. I remember the times of 24/7 prayer that took place in Cardiff about 15 years ago, those times were authentic and organic. Space was given with a room being available but no one led anything, you just turned up at the room at some point through the day and stood together, worshipped together, declared together. No time of prayer starting or ending but just prayer. I don’t know how it worked but it did. We never thought about the lack of facilitators or having people lead different sessions, there was just a room, space. It worked. It was grown up out of the soil. I have since discovered that there is a fine line between facilitating something, and organising and directing something. I have often thought about starting something new but then have to stop myself because in my head I have ideas about how I would like it to go. How easily the organic becomes an organisation.

Meet Without Meetings?

Is it possible to meet without meetings? Can we just gather to gather? Do we always have to make it more than a family get together? My wife’s family are getting bigger by the year, and I do not just mean we have a weight problem! Yet every year for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day we always get together for food and the crack. A space is facilitated, food is served, the rest just happens without organisation. People talk to those sitting by them about life and whatever, or just have humorous banter going on. The elders of the family then seem to tell a few stories that have everyone rocking with laughter. People dip in and out of the conversation to go for food or a drink or go outside for a cigarette. The kids do whatever they want to do and do not seem to be in the way. Some conversations take place in the kitchen, others in the hallway. Everyone comes away buzzing and full of food and conversation. Organic family life has taken place. I am not saying this is how it should be because  I then have created an organisation and will write a book about family life and do it this way and give it a title, I’m just saying organic coming together can be possible. But then organic being on your own must be just as authentic and acceptable too. I am in a place of solitude now, yet through relationship I remain part of my family, I do not have to be with them to be a part of them. I think of Christian attempts to have organic family gatherings, space is given, food is available, conversation goes on, but then we introduce what can often be the killer of organic, the dreaded time of. Right shall we now have a time of worship? Shall we now have a time of prayer? Let us now hand over to our speaker for this evening. I am fighting all this because I know and long for authentic prayer, worship, sharing, my question to myself and what I am trying to work through is, can we have it without a time of? Do we have to break into the flow of natural conversation for a time of? Cannot people just spontaneously begin praying for one another’s needs, or musicians just spontaneously begin singing or playing without handing out the words and song sheets? And then people have the freedom to join in or not or even carry on eating or talking? Then spontaneous story telling emerges maybe between a few people, but then good stories get relayed around the group? People who have journeyed well or otherwise can then add to the flow without having a testimony time. People can go when they need to go, not at the end when the closing prayer or benediction is spoken. Conversation spills out to the streets and cars. Life flows on with the contours of the land. Can this happen? I do not know, all I do know is that Organic Church as a concept is dead before it is alive, Missional Church still seems to gather before it goes and Simple Church is already complicated enough to warrant having conferences and how to sessions by so called experts. I just want to be. I want to organically grow up out of the soil of my land and realise that I am the ekklesia whatever that growing up characterises when the shoots come above the ground.

 

The Traveller’s Rest- Fallen.

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Home.

At 2:30am U.K. time the landscape in Wales changed forever. At that time we lost in this physical earth someone who had impacted so many lives, in-fact probably everybody whose path she had crossed. Sarah Trinder sadly lost her battle with cancer. The tributes that have poured in since evidence the fact of what an impact she made through her life. I was privileged to know Sarah not from the beginning of her story but before and outside position and titles, something that Sarah carried lightly anyway. I first met her as she served another great humble woman Marilyn Harry in her tent crusades and evangelism schools. How I ended up helping the church at Pontllanfraith I do not know, but in an interim period between Pastors I went over their weekly to share lives, teach and stand with them as they looked to the way forward. I almost became their ‘Pastor’ myself but remained in Tonyrefail at that stage, it was sometime around this point that Sarah took on the role. She was unlike any ‘Pastor’ or person that I had ever known, nor will probably be known again. She carried authority, not because of position or title, but because she was a carrier of God’s presence. Bold enough to be for Him anything He wanted, an aquaduct for the presence and the supernatural. Infact she made walking in the supernatural the most natural and down to earth walk ever with stories of encounter and being overcome by the Holy Spirit while out shopping, and she loved both. What I loved about Sarah was that she was not just walking in such openness with God and seemed full of boldness, but she was real, vulnerable, earthed. Her laughter and joy about life was so infectious. We spent hours together with stories that would make us laugh until our sides were aching. These stories have made me smile through the gulf of her absence this week. I have been angry at the enemy, I have thrown questions at God, yet even in the unanswered questions there is a peace, a sense that the full story is yet to be told. Grief tinged with light of hope.

Magnet.

Sarah was always surrounded by people, she loved people., they loved her in return. The office door never closed but like a rotating entrance way of people coming and going. She never wanted people to follow her but she wanted them to be follow and be impacted by the Jesus that impacted her. She totally changed the landscape and feel of a church just by being there. Those gold curtains certainly helped! Talking of gold, we always laugh at one first hand story. My wife Allison had the privilege of accompanying Sarah on a trip to India, one of Sarah’s first trips abroad. They went as a team of women into the Nation, which was a sign and a wonder in itself, but they were introduced to Sarah. They loved her. In the sari shop they were all fitted with their own sari’s to wear at the gatherings, Sarah had to have a gold one. She loved gold. This was to the bemusement of everyone in India because the wearing of gold was a message that you were looking for a husband! Watch out men! I’m sure Graham would have had something to say about that. Yet that was Sarah. Someone who was an amazing woman of God, an incredibly loved ‘Pastor’, a lady who oozed the apostolic and the prophetic, but not in an empirical way but in a way that just wanted to release and free others. I loved to listen to her speak because I knew it came from a life that touched the hem of both heaven and earth and so muddled the two that they became interchangeable. So full of integrity, real, raw, passionate, and yet broken, but never allowing that brokenness to be the end of the story but the beginning. We shared pulpits, hosted gatherings and conferences together, pressed in for the Nation together, but more than that pressed in for the presence. That is why today this Nation does not quite feel the same.

Much Fruit.

A fallen seed has the potential to bring forth much fruit. That will be the story here I know. Yesterday I met with another friend, Justin Abraham. We talked much about the paths of the past and where they have all gone. How there was a time when there seemed to be so much buzz in the Nation of Wales with people from north, south and mid standing shoulder to shoulder, travelling to pray with each other and hope together for a new day. Seeing the release from heaven of a prophetic prayer movement that captured many from all backgrounds and none. That it didn’t matter who you were as long as you had a vision and a heart for a fresh breath of God upon the Nation. Wildfire words and visions that a baby had been born. Then came the dispersion, everyone seemed to be buried in the land in their own localities and regions. Had the opportune moment been missed or was this dispersion part of the move that needed to happen? Was God taking this away from the central place of gatherings and conferences? Was this more liquid than any of us realised, a move that could never be apportioned to any man? Will even Sarah’s passing be a marker point of the end of a season and the beginning of another, or even the realisation that we’ve been walking the season for a while yet and maybe not fully realised it, that God was in this desert of Bethel all along? The coming together to celebrate Sarah’s life will be the first time for years that many paths will cross. Will this mean something for our land? In the sorrow of the week I have just had the feeling that God has not finished with our Nation just yet. Wales is still on His agenda. The story for Cymru is not over yet, God’s imprint is still here. His DNA is still in the land. There is hope in the Nation because of the buried seed. I am troubled and yet at total peace. It will never look the same as it did in the past but that fire still burns. So many times I have tried to leave the land but those roots keep me connected. So much pondering done this week. The legacy Sarah left behind will continue I believe in the many. I thank God that I knew her not as my pastor or apostle but as a friend. I thank God for being able to say we walked together. A chapter has finally closed, but for us all the story continues…

The Traveller’s Rest- A Year to Forge It.

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New Year, New Ear.

So we have entered another year on our calenders (does God align with our version or the Jewish version or His own version or all or any of them?), one of those marker points to think about the past twelve months and review everything from music to films to favorite moments, and then to think about what the next twelve months have in store for us. How many of us think, I wonder what I will be doing at this time next year? Or maybe we will be hoping for a better year than last year or even more of the same if we have had a really good year. We spent New Years Eve as a family here at home. Three of us had suffered a bit of the bug and virus going around and were not feeling 100%, and we had plenty of this winter’s favorite weather, rain, to dampen any thoughts of going into Cardiff for their annual street party and fireworks. A quiet night in then, watching the first Lord of the Rings movie while drifting in and out of sleep, then with Jools until just before Big Ben, quick switch over for the Chimes with our bubbly and finishing the evening with some brilliant observational comedy with John Bishop. Our first sleep in 2013 began in the early hours and that was it, another new year had begun. A time when many wake up from the festivities and realise the world just keeps on turning and the situations they faced a week earlier are mainly still there. I gave up making resolutions years ago. Yet still there are thoughts about what can I do new this year or what needs to change. It is like another clean slate to create on. Another new year, another new ear to hear what God is saying to us as His people. To see His hand in the ordinary which makes the extraordinary. Some look forward with trepidation and fear for what the future may hold. Will the plug be pulled on the economy even more, will the tensions among the Nations continue to rise etc. Personally I step forward carefully and yet excited about what is on the road ahead. I want to grasp the panoramic view around me at each step that I take. I want to be more and more aware of each moment. Find the magic in each moment, whether it be the daily cycle of life or the unexpected.

Past year, future year.

Some who look back are relieved to see the year behind them. They say that it was a year to forget. Glad now that the old has passed and the new is beginning. You may say that it was a year to forget but I heard a whisper in the aisles as I worked last night that it was a year for God to forge it. The great Blacksmith is shaping us to carry glory in this stained earth. To be in the daily incarnation of the Word in flesh. Every experience is one that shapes who we are and who we become. Treasure in jars of clay to reveal God. Each spark from the anvil of life, the fire of those burning experiences, the plunge into the water that solidifies the work in us, all a part of the package of life experience. I think those who begin to embrace the days of discouragement, doubt, disaster will learn to embrace days of faith and hope for the future. I am not saying we go looking for them but I am saying we need to start looking at them and finding the DNA of the Divine etched within them. Hard pressed but not crushed. Perplexed but not in despair. Persecuted but not abandoned. Struck down but not destroyed. This reveals the life of Jesus in us. Yes we speak over each other and proclaim a happy new year, but the year behind and the year ahead are years for God to forge it, not years for us to forget.

Looking from where we stand.

As we gaze into 2013 I want to share something I was given in March of 2012. My heart was stirred by the word ’Panoramic’. A dictionary definition of this was as follows; 1. An unbroken view of an entire surrounding area. 2. A comprehensive presentation; a survey. 3. A picture or series of pictures representing a continuous scene, often exhibited a part at a time by being unrolled and passed before the spectator. 4. A mental vision of a series of events. The following morning I then saw many faces, some I recognised others I didn’t, standing in a large open space and their heads began to spin around at great speed. God then said, ‘Now it is time for the seers to really see. This is so much wider than wide-screen, this is more dimensional than 3D, this will be clearer than high definition. The inner eye will have the capability of capturing more at the same time time than it has ever done before. There will be more to the picture than what at first meets the eye so take more in before you give more out. These pictures will be captured on our internal memory card and not easily forgotten. You think you’ve seen, but you haven’t seen anything yet. Sharper, clearer, deeper, brighter, wider.’ As God unfolds the year before us and gives us a year in which He will forge it, open those inner eyes and outer eyes and look, gaze, wonder, see. Seers are not some special preserved unit of God’s church, they are anyone prepared to have a look around them. Those prepared to look beyond and past the first glance. The first captured picture may not be the one that will captivate us. We may see the mess but look again. What is God forging? I look forward to stories of what you can see.

The Traveller’s Rest- Non Word for 2013.

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Sound of the Anvil.

Normally at this time of year I release a prophetic word/thoughts for the coming year but this year I do not feel at liberty to do that. More and more the walk and journey are becoming the Word. These rambling thoughts and the daily chat, connections and even solitude become the expression of the heart that God has for us. I’m all worded out. To express something of how I feel I wrote a couple of things on my Facebook page; A Word for 2013 (Part 1)…Live (Nuff said) and a Word for 2013 (Part 2)…Grace (Amazing and outrageous). Along with maybe a few other good words like love, forgive, release etc, what more do we need? Yes I know God wants to talk to us daily sometimes at a more specific level, but what we need is to encourage people to listen to their own journeys instead of telling them what to hear. I should not dictate the journey of a group of people, but should equip and encourage everyone to clear the wax out of their own ears and just listen. I can share thoughts from where I am walking but I want to hear accounts of what others are finding on their own journeys. They may be totally different and even seemingly at odds with mine, but that is what makes this a special journey. Individuals linked in an adventure of incredible proportions. All inter-linked and yet operative at their own level. Members one of another but free to experience, hear, do, try, create.

Small Voice in the Big Screen.

Have enjoyed the Christmas season just living and being with family, enjoyed an unexpected visit of a friend yesterday just talking about what God is stirring in our lives and have seen some good and not so good TV. Through it all I have picked up on a few exciting quotes and thoughts. Went to watch the Hobbit on Christmas Eve with the family, a great tradition we seem to have got into. The film has gained mix reviews but have to say I really enjoyed it, what is there not to enjoy about a film subtitled an unexpected journey?  Great film about the journey, the marginalised, the under-dogs. Here is my favorite quote from the film that hit me as I sat in the cinema and lives with me going into 2013. I think this quote has struck home with a few people who have seen the film.

“Galadriel: Why the Hafling?

Gandalf: Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? That’s because I am afraid and it gives me courage.”

The small everyday deeds of ordinary folk! Now that is worth chewing over. There is alot of wind on that as one of my friends used to say.

Another one of my favorites came to an end this year, Merlin. Over five years we have seen a fresh take on the legend that is Arthur and Merlin and Camelot, and been captured by tales of relationship, love and magic. That Merlin was played by a nerdy, wimpy young actor was genius as we discovered what this young boy was really carrying, and yet his selfless giving of himself, never after titles or recognition. Destiny was also a big theme and this came out with one of the final quotes as Arthur was dying, ‘It was my destiny to serve you’ said Merlin to Arthur. Is there any higher, Christ-like calling in life? Also what spoke deeply to me was that it was not the throne of Arthur that was established but a fresh spirit and ethos. A Kingdom that would begin to embrace and welcome all, even those who had been marginalised. Through death came forth fresh life for a new day.

Finally from the great film, Dark Night Rises, the third in the latest Batman franchise. I picked up on this the first time I saw it and as we watched it on Christmas day it struck me again. Blake (who turns out to be called Robin) resigns from the police force. When asked if he is sure he replies,  “You know, what you said about structures becoming shackles? You were right and I can’t take it. The injustice.”  That is another great thought to take into the new year. Have not watched the Royle Family Christmas special yet buy who knows what I may pick up :) . Also hoping to see the Life of Pi this weekend too. That small voice is everywhere.

Walk On.

So 2013 becons and the journey continues. What a priviledge to walk and talk daily with God and people. I know there will be many twists and turns ahead, and many hills to climb and valleys to walk through, but walk I will. Anyone looking for the dramatic may have to look elsewhere but those looking for Jesus, He may just have been here all along walking with you but you did not realise it. Those looking for the dramatic find it hard to cope when the ordinary happens, that is why they have to search for the next dramatic, or even create it themselves. But for those with ears to hear, eyes to see, feet to walk, every step on a grain of desert sand is a holy highway of our God. It is time to step into the whatever of the future. You want a word for 2013? Be the word and you may be surprised what you hear back as an echo. And if you hear nothing it is amazing how even silence is full of the voice of God.

 

The Traveller’s Rest- It’s the End of the World as we Know it, and I Feel Fine.

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The Beginning of the End or End of Beginning?

So this could be the last blog I ever write if tomorrow is truly the end of the world. It is purely the well known fact that the Mayans happened to believe that December 21 2012 is the end of the world. Of course we will write this off as a load of old bunkum while others gladly cash in by putting on end of the world events from Brian Cox and Robin Ince to the Last Supper Club in Shoreditch. Yet today I have used the normal hype and hot air from both sides of the argument to think about the many issues that revolve around the possibility of facing God tomorrow, as if in many ways I am not already, but you know what I mean. If this was the end of the world would I be living today any differently? Would I have any regrets? Are there things I wish I had said to people? Are there relationships I would mend? Would I be scared of facing God after death? For some if it was the last day on earth it would be their chance to have a huge drunken party, for others they would spend some time with family. What would we do if this was the beginning of the end?

Living Life to the Full.

Would I live today any differently if I thought the world was ending tomorrow? Maybe I would but in many ways I am happy with my life. As believers surely we should be living fullness every day, whatever we are doing. We have been very good at using the so called ‘rapture’ to scare monger people to be ready, as in make sure you are caught doing something holy rather than normal. My father-in-law always used to say to Allison pray that Jesus does not return while you are in the cinema. It was used as a blackmail to live a false holiness. People often miss the fact that those who were taken in the Gospel passages (if we interpret it as rapture) were in a field or in bed, doing normal every day stuff. There is no mention of being in church, praying, hymn singing etc. Working and living family life. Sharing all things with Christ on a daily basis. That is why I will still go to work tonight because to me that is vocation, that is holy calling, to walk one last time in those aisles will be a privilidge. To share one last night with those colleagues will be a joy, because every day is a privilidge and joy. Does that mean some nights I do not want to be in work? Of course there are times I want to walk away from there, that’s life. But those aisles remain a place of holy connection. Would I have regrets? I think we all have stuff we wish we had or hadn’t done, but as the song says, regrets I have a few but then again too few to mention. I’ve missed the mark, I’ve lost relationships, communication has broken down with some, I have hurt others, taken wrong turns etc. But when I look over my shoulder I see one thing more than anything else-grace. Amazing grace. The regrets become as shadows in the light of grace. So many of us allow the weight of regret to rob us. The enemy loves the whispers of our mistakes to nullify us and our acceptance of full relationship with Father. There are many things we did our way but He did the most amazing thing His way to make a Way. I now have no fear of facing God in any shape or form because He clothed me. He covered me. The greatest cover up story there has ever been. No wonder we call it Gospel.

The End of The World as We Know it.

Maybe it will just be the end of the world as we know it. God wants to redeem and restore His groaning creation. It may not be the culmination of all things but it can be the beginning of giving ourselves to this world that we live in. Appreciating creation in a fresh light and cherishing the planet. Seeing a fresh release of creativity from the Body of Christ that reveals the Creator and releases creation. Seeing newness as something to embrace and life as something to live, whatever we find ourselves doing. That even sleeping with a right heart is good enough for rapturous life, to be released and taken up to fresh levels. Music, poetry, painting, sculpture, novel writing, film making, all released from out of thr Body but not exclusive to the Body. Nothing worse than a cringy Christian film or book. A new world where we can coexist with those of different beliefs and befriend the one’s of no belief without preaching at them. A new life where the Light will shine as the light of all men. Every day is a new day, we do not need to talk in terms of new seasons. Every fresh morning shouts fresh creativity. Opportunity knocks to live for Him afresh. Yesterdays failure is todays springboard. And tomorrow, maybe it is the end of the world. It probably won’t be but I’ll live it to the full anyway. I feel fine…

I guess it’s the world that we live  in

It’s not too late for  that

This is the world that we live  in

And no, we can’t go back

This is the world that we live  in

I still want something  real

This is the world that we live  in

I know that we can heal  over time
(The Killers The World We Live In)

The Traveller’s Rest- Flesh…

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Incarnation.

Having four children you always end up getting sucked into the occasion and events of this time of year. And although they are getting older (and that means I am as well), there is still an air of excitement and buzz as we rush around getting last minute presents, decorate the tree and think of all the stuff we will be doing over those few days in late December. Working in Asda you do realise it is just another event to keep the tills rolling over, the next in a line of selling points, this one arriving after Halloween and Bonfire Night and before Easter. With Christmas songs playing over the store radio from the 1st December on until Christmas day itself we are fed with the reason to shop. Yes it has become commercialised, yes there is a muddle of stories where we mix up the ‘so called’ Nativity with a certain man in a red suit, but there is something about the ease in which the name of Jesus is spoken at this time that I really love. He is talked about with no embarrassment or a whisper, but as part of life, the story, the journey, the unfolding of the year. I’ve been through that thing where I wondered whether we should celebrate this time as a Christian because it is just a Christianised Pagan festival no matter how much we try and convince ourselves otherwise. It is the only Mass we charismatics will talk about without flinching, we place pagan symbols around our homes with glee and no thought of bringing demons into our homes and we add characters and events to the Biblical account without even feeling guilty. Yet it all speaks of incarnation, God with us. It is about the greatest truth that we as Christians have available, that if we could really grasp the reality of then not only will we be blown away our whole lives will be lived differently, because the incarnation continues today through our lives.

Nativity 3.

Having recently sat through the great comedy film Nativity! featuring Martin Freeman and then yesterday going to see my youngest son, Matthew (10), in his school concert called Nativity Rock and Roll, I realised once again the powerful story of the birth of Jesus. The words to the songs and the readings and prayers communicated with power from tiny lives who are probably more excited about gifts than the true Giver. Yet both focused on the birth of a child. Immanuel, the God with us. These parents and many who watched the film would hear about a miracle through young lives without embarrassment or questions. The barriers were down. No one asked about all the wars in the world or the suffering. No one called the believers hypocrites or Bible bashers. No one wanted to leave because the meeting was irrelevant or not seeker friendly. Through the lips of their own children and the media a message of eternal significance was being communicated. The Word became flesh and dwelt amongst us. There was no theological discussion about possibilities of virgin births, just the simplicity of story, wonderment, magic. Everyone left with a warm glow despite their debts, family troubles, addictions to drugs or alcohol. No one was singled out as being saved or unsaved. Just people arrested by miracle.

God loves Flesh.

What hits me most is that God loves flesh. Simple human flesh. He is not ashamed of it’s limitations or imperfections, He loves flesh. He lived in it when He was born, He grew up in it and He even died in it. Yet that was not the end of His relationship with flesh. The pain this flesh carried for Him was not the end of His choice to work with it. Through the Spirit He continues looking for flesh to dwell in. Incarnation takes place everyday as He dwells amongst us, in us and through us. Our lives as a living temple, not made with hands. My life is significant as far as the continued story of incarnation goes. He tabernacles in and through us, not in church buildings or temples. When we awaken to this fact it does change everything and the original incarnation takes on even more power and significance. The same Spirit that rose Christ from the dead lives in me, this ball of flesh and blood. This imperfect, misshapen, overweight body, He lives in it. This life that makes mistakes, makes wrong decisions, sometimes willfully sins and hurts others, this life that sometimes lacks character and holiness, He lives in it. This body that falls, wants to throw the towel in, sometimes cannot be arsed, with all my habits and failings, He lives in it. Emmanuel, God is still with us. The Word still becoming flesh and dwelling amongst us. Now that is the miracle to live daily by and one to be reminded of time and time again. That is why the religious mix and commercialism of this season no longer bothers me like it did, because in the middle of all the trimmings, additions to the story, wonderment about angels and Santa appearing, there is a story about God and flesh. And we can add and take away what we like but it will never change that one thing, Immanuel, God with us, then, today and every day to come. The God in flesh making dwelling with us.

The Traveller’s Rest- Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night.

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What A Feeling.

On Sunday night I was out at the Asda night colleague’s work’s do. About 15 of us found our way to Pontypridd and dived into the night life of the place. We started with a meal and then moved onto a place called ‘The Skinny Dog’ and finished up at a late night disco/karaoke place. We had an amazing time, a real laugh, I have not raided the dance floor so much since last years do. To think that until a few years ago I would have avoided such nights like the plague. Who wants to be out on the town with a group drinking themselves silly, especially on a Sunday night when I could be safe and snug in church at a Gospel service. I looked down my nose at such people and probably tutted under my breath when they told of their weekend exploits, the bits they could remember anyway. As a believer I should not be found in such dens of iniquity where I may become tainted and fall from grace. All the time convincing ourselves that we were building bridges into our community and loving the people and doing Gospel services just for them. When you go out on a night like this you realise why no one comes. Our nights, supposed celebration meetings, are so boring with a capital B. Who do we think we are kidding when we offer something radical for the unchurched? Our seeker services are not offering the unsaved what they want but offering them what a Christian thinks they want which is completely different. Slick music, short talks, lights, drama etc. This is not what seekers want at all, they love a mess, they love a rollicking good night out, they love a laugh, they love being around people that let themselves go, they want to go out and be themselves and not be bound to behaving like silent angels. They want those inhibitions to go and just have a good night out. To us believers this can be very different to what we are used to. It can be the opposite of inviting them into an alien environment, we are now the aliens, that is until we truly become one of them. By saying that I do not mean we have to behave like them but we have to be part of our community. Part of the family. Not afraid to venture in. We are IN the world… Most believers are out of this world and therefore can never be related to.

You Look Good on the Dancefloor.

I have come to a place where I love the atmosphere created by a night out like this. Even how a drink or two lowers the guards of people. Those quiet on the edge people all of a sudden loosen up and everyone sits shoulder to shoulder instead of some above another. I look around and thank God for this community of night owls that God has allowed me the privilege of being a part of. One with humanity. While eating together, drinking together, dancing together, laughing together, more and more barriers come crashing down. There were times on the dance-floor when certain songs were played and I was singing along it was worship raising up to heaven. I raised my arms in praise and shut my eyes in adoration. A community where all are embraced without prejudice. Yes there are times in work when people bicker and argue and some leave, but this community gets on with it’s task. And the banter is so much fun. This is church, these are the called out one’s. We are gathering together. I do not see each of them as an evangelistic target to pluck from the jaws of hell, but I love them, respect them, talk sense and nonsense with them, and answer any questions they may have. Jesus was not mentioned on Sunday night but He was there as Immanuel, the God with us. The Word made flesh and dwelling amongst us. He was made flesh and dwelt, we keep changing Him back to spirit and withdrawing to so called Holy places. To me there was nothing more Holy than our works do. Community, laughter, people, friends. A great night out.

In but not of…

We need to learn that we are in this world and not think we are protecting ‘weaker’ brothers by withdrawing them. We are not of this world, we know that, but it is not because we create a counter culture somewhere else, a different reality, we are in the world. We rub shoulders with those in the world. We are different because we have a treasure in our jar of clay. We have either found the treasure by looking or stumbled across the treasure, but we are still cracked pots encasing something so amazing, so precious, so real. We are still flesh beings, there is no shame in flesh. We do not have to hide. It will only be by discovering the treasure that lives will be transformed, but that will only come as they glimpse it in the mud of the field not in the sparkling clean hospital ward of making perfection, or what we think is creating perfection. They do spy it as the light glints from the crevice of our lives. Just a couple of weeks ago an ex-colleague and his wife became Christians, now the talk of the shop floor. Only today a colleague asked me to take a funeral for them. I love this community. That glint of light is shafting through the crack and being seen by those there. It is not about collecting scalps but about living and loving humanity. About turning water into wine at weddings just for the fun of it, yet revealing glory. And as I have said before, it is all in the glory, including the dirt of our lives.

The Traveller’s Rest- Finding Yourself In The Mess.

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Who Do They Say That I Am?

When Jesus asked this question I wonder if He was under the pressure of identity crisis. That place where people have labels and opinions as to who or what you are, and want you to perfectly fit in that mould of their interpretation as to what that means. Everyone has an identity box for you to try and fit into. An interpretation as to what a position or title means. That happened in my life as a local church ‘Pastor’ and it continues with the term ‘Prophet’ today. Just being labelled immediately brings into play people’s interpretations of these positions and giftings and what they expect from those positions and giftings. As a ‘Pastor’ I was expected to visit people when they stopped coming to church and when they were sick. I was expected to drop everything when the phone rang. I was expected to be in the office studying and praying, but if I was ever found to be there I was expected to be out on the streets connecting with the people. The label and the position carried much with it. I did not realise how much of my identity was wrapped up in what I was doing. This was supposed to be me, but it was a conglomeration of people’s opinions of who I should be, the Bible’s verses and interpretations of those verses as to how I should be and the background and training I had to be that. Add to this what I thought I was and how that created tensions then what was created was nothing short of a mess. No wonder some people in so called ‘ministry’ positions end up having break downs and leave disillusioned and hurt. Some in the congregation want you to be this, others want you to be that, fellow ‘Pastor’s’ say you should be something else. No wonder I felt like I was cracking up.

What mould am I breaking?

Then the journey of moving out of church life into the mezzanine floor, the place in-between. The place of crashing head first into identity crisis. My whole adult life had been revolving around gatherings, preaching, more gatherings, to have this taken away felt like having the whole of myself stripped away. It was a painful time, the darkest time of my life. Yet even here I realised there were moulds to be worn. Any label creates a mindset and expectations that need to be broken. While working as a ‘Pastor’ there were those who recognised the gifting of ‘Prophet’ inside me. This was a label I was more comfortable with but it is still a label. It still raises connotations and expectations. That expectation that whenever you come on the scene you have a ‘Word of the Lord’. Here in the Valleys I attended some gatherings of a ministry and as soon as I was spotted I was asked to come to the front and pray and give a Word. This happened when I went some places to preach and when I met up with people. Don’t forget if God gives you something please feel free to give it. Have you got a Word, anything to give. Even in the new landscape there is this expectation to be a slot machine for Word’s of the Lord, the difference being many people do not put any money in before they pull the handle. When you go and visit or are asked to pray for someone they do not just want a prayer, they want a Word of the Lord. Another mould. My being sits as uncomfortably here as it did in the ‘Pastor’ mould. I have found a ‘Prophet’ mould to be just as smothering. More expectations as to what my identity should be.  That is why I ask the question, what mould am I breaking? Get out of one another seems to be created. Why are we so obsessed with labels?

I Want To Be Me.

Slowly I am finding myself in the rubble. I am finding a few people who have little or no expectations. It is not that I will never give prophecy or share from Scriptures or visit someone, but I want it to flow out of me abiding in Him and my dwelling under the shadow of the Almighty. I am learning more and more not to appease people and give them what they want, almost disappoint them and then from that place you see if relationship is real or built on who they think you are. Getting back to Jesus, when He broke the mould of expectations many except His true friends were no longer with Him. It is a lonelier place but at least the relationships are reality. I do not want friends just because I prophecy and preach and do stuff, I want relationships that enjoy being with me, the one finding himself in the mess. I was thinking this week I resigned from ‘Pastoral’ life and that helped because when you no longer have position the label soon gets blown away. Maybe I need to do the same with the label of ‘Prophet’, maybe I need to resign the position. This in itself could be a prophetic act. I cannot walk away from my DNA, nor can I renounce my inner gifting and call, but all those expectations that go with titles and positions they need to be buried forever. I am finding I am not what people think I am or should be. I am not even what I thought I was. I am me. Our doing should only ever be a joyful expression of our being and our identity. We should never be creating an identity through what we do. So world and church I resign from the title and recognition of being a ‘Prophet’ and all the expectations that come with that. I just want to be a life sown in the land. I am not after recognition but relationship, firstly and most importantly with Father, and then with people who want to get to know Paul Leader along with his warts and all. I am finding myself in the mess and some of what I find is a mess, but I’m learning to love the person of flesh underneath the doing. I accept and love who I am, and that helps to love and accept others in a world of no veneer and pretence and titles. The world beyond the matrix is a world of accepting each other just as we are. Now that sounds a bit like a world created by Father.

 

The Traveller’s Rest- Never Mind the Bishops, Here’s the Sex Wars.

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Biblical Battle? You Must be Joking.

This week the General Synod voted against the ordination of Women Bishops. I say voted against, but it was an overwhelming majority voted for, but the vote fell short by six votes of the required majority. The battle in the Church of England rages on. Who would want to be sitting in the AB of C’s chair this week (Archbishop of Canterbury if you wondered)? What I find strange is that people fight the ground of something they feel is unbiblical, i.e. having women in leadership positions, using methods that are clearly unbiblical, in structures that are clearly unbiblical, for positions that to my eyes seem unbiblical. The word bishop appears in the King James Version of the Bible, but not in later translations, referring to an overseer or even elder. Definitely not the sense of hierarchy and authority that the C of E give it, more a carer or watcher (Intercessor for people?). Definitely not with those clothes and mitres and Old Testament garb. There is also the unbiblical action of ordination. What is that all about? Yes in the Old Covenant people were anointed into recognised positions, but this is a new covenant. We all have an anointing we are told in 1 John 2:20. We now walk with one King, Jesus, and do not need other kings like the other nations. We can all walk with prophetic insight, He speaks to us today personally, and we are all priests of the Lord. The sense that only a select few are priests is so unbiblical but they would rather have other fights about whether women can serve or function. To all women out there, you are anointed, you have permission to function through the King Himself, you do not need a man dressed in posh garb or a church denomination to tell you what you can and cannot do.

Function not Position.

The more I study and get a sense of what was being communicated through the New Testament, God was not trying to build Tower of Babel churches that reached all the way to the sky. The bigger the anointing and gifting the higher you reached up. Jesus came to reverse the curse of Babel and the temple/tabernacle system that sought to exclude people. God always wanted to walk in the garden with everyone. It was mankind that chose to have a select few and kings and prophets and priestly families. Jesus kicks the chair of hierarchy away and sets us in a place of equality. Not as clones but as individuals with unique functions. When He said He gave some to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers He was not setting up a leadership structure of higher callings, He was recognising functions that mankind could and should walk in. Functions that then needed to be released through others equipped to do the task. For goodness sake we even took this list as an hierarchical list with apostles first, so they must be more important, prophets next etc. Elders became in charge of local affairs instead of people who could give advice because they had journeyed the walk and may have life lessons to share. Overseers became shepherds that herded the sheep around and anything the sheep said was just put down to bleating. It was about looking out for one another, caring, protecting, feeding with life. Why do we make everything about being in charge or being a leader over someone? Because that seems to be inherently human. To be apostolic you can go without someone telling you to or looking for man’s affirmation because Jesus already told you to go. To be prophetic you juts need to awaken that inner ear and realise God is peaking to you. To be evangelistic be that carrier of the Good News that we all carry. To be pastoral just care for those around you in the sphere’s of life; family, work, leisure, community. To be a teacher just share what you are learning on life’s journey. Flow and function. You have an anointing. Jesus never came to walk in a title and be recognised for that title, He came to share life and function as the Son of God.

What About Women?

Take the titles and positions away and you are left with no problem. Women can be who they are in Christ. They can function in any gift that God has put in their DNA. It is not then about who is over who and who is under who, but that we serve one another. That we need each other to function as the full expression of the Body of Christ. All over the world women need to be unchained. What a resource that we already have. I have for many years sensed that a huge wave of passionate women would be unleashed on the earth. Not out for position but just wanting to serve the King. Not to be in places instead of man, but to stand shoulder to shoulder not breaking rank. Women with passion and fire like Deborah and Jael, women with powerful motherly qualities like Jochabed and Mary, women with hunger like Mary Magdalene. All this unlocked potential through out the world. A women’s movement that would move through the Middle East and Asia. Muslim women finding freedom to expression through Christ. Watch India and China be swamped with passionate Christ infused females. Women of God you don’t need me to give you permission but come on arise, shine for your light has come. Why want to walk in man’s ordination when you can already walk in Him daily? I close with these few words I wrote on my Facebook status the day after the result;

No woman needs any churches permission to walk in her calling as a Priest of the Lord or to venture to do anything for Him. Permission was given through Christ long before the church was born.

The Traveller’s Rest- The (Super) Natural Christian Life.

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Autumnal Holiday.

For the first time in ages I have taken a week off work just to be at home with Allison and the family. Normally when I book a week off it is to travel somewhere to visit friends and make connections or for a booked holiday, very rarely for no particular reason. I was initially going to use this time to travel to Sweden but just felt I wanted to be with the family, get a bit of gardening done (my green fingers do not surface very often) and generally chill. The first great thing about it was I did not tell Allison until the week had begun because I did not want the time full of plans, especially decorating, which is of the devil I am sure. After my Friday night shift and my Saturday morning sleep I got up and we went as nearly a full quota of family to Weston-Super-Mare for their annual fireworks from the beach and pier. Joel was home from University, Daniel and Matthew came on board, the only one missing was John who decided to go and watch Cardiff City play football. We had a great evening with food, walking the sea front and watching the fireworks. It was special to just be out as a family. Ending the evening with a good old McFlurry on the way home was fab. It was while on the way home I broke the news that I had a week off work. One of the things I am learning to appreciate more and more is opportunities to be with the family rather than running around for church, gatherings, meetings, the next name in town. I love the super, natural Christian life of being husband, father, me, rather than being Pastor.

The Lord’s Day, every one of them.

Sunday morning I had the chance to lay in as Joel took Matthew off to football. Enjoyed a nice slow start to the day and breakfast in bed. We then got up and tidied the place up a bit and then when Joel and Matthew returned we all went to watch my other son Daniel play football. Having four boys football is a big part of our lives. It was great standing on the sidelines with my wife Allison and my two boys Joel and Matthew cheering my son on as he scored in a thumping 16-0 win. We came home, John returned from playing for his team and then we ate together, all six of us, around the table. I enjoy nothing more than sharing food with my family, along with good family banter, lots of laughter, terrible jokes, sharing life stories and generally being together. We may not mention Jesus in every breath or say grace before the meal. We may not break bread or quote Scripture, but as I look around I realise this is the Lord’s table we are sharing. This is holy communion as a family with Him. The Bread of Life is ever present in and through our lives shared together. This was the Lord’s day, and so was yesterday, and so will tomorrow be. Sharing the normal with each other and with Him.

The Daily Bread.

Monday we shopped together and enjoyed a Starbuck’s coffee and an Asda lunch. Talking about life, work, God, church, family, each other. Tuesday I cleaned around the house a bit and then Wednesday headed for the garden to get those weeds, prune those shrubs and plants and power wash the floor. Through all the tasks there was a sense of blessing, even though at times I sigh and moan and groan about doing it. Aware of His thoughts going through my mind as I dusted or as I power washed. Thinking of His words as I pruned and cut back. Thinking of where He was found at times as I walked in our tiny garden. Realising that prayer was a life style and a walk as we chatted and contemplated and meditated together through all the natural stuff. He is Lord of the mundane. One thing I realise in life is that my standards are never Allison’s standards. I can often tidy or fix one thing and make three things worse at the same time. This was true of the garden as what I had power washed off of the floor now clung to the surroundings. We had to spend Thursday morning cleaning this up. A bit of bickering got some action going, but hey that’s life. Couple’s that tell me they have never had an argument or a cross word have never lived or done anything adventurous together, or are actually not quite being honest. Rows will often make us more productive. Garden is now looking great, but needed Allison’s hand as well. That is what team is all about. Here in the garden even as I clean the windows I recognise my Daily Bread.

Plans of Mice and Men.

That brings up the present. There are still a few days of these autumnal holiday days to go. Tomorrow we are planning to have a ride to Cardiff, Saturday I plan to watch a gig in Pontypridd and then Sunday back to football with the boys and then the Grand Prix in the evening. Monday then we finish the break with a cinema visit to watch the final part of Twilight. Not my cup of tea but Allison loves it, and it will be great to spend that time with her. That she fancies vampires has got nothing to do with it. Does all this stuff give me a spiritual buzz? It does to make me realise that God loves me and my family so much that He walks through everything with us. It is not all about the hype and the music and the crowds and the sermons, it is about daily living with our Daily Bread. There really is a super, natural Christian life that we can all live. It does not take a calling because we all can live daily recognising His love and presence in all the natural stuff. Here there are no superstars and no raised platforms, no hierarchy and no egos. Just ordinary people living ordinary lives with an amazing God dwelling in and through it all. Now must get back to my break and enjoy this life to the full again today.