Just Saying!!!

Funny that when you least expect it something that is said or done does not just cause a ripple but a bit of a tidal wave. On Sunday morning I posted the following status update on Facebook;

So many status updates on a Sunday about life changing meetings, messages and ministries. This event is the most exciting ever. That event will be the best ever. The worship here is better than there. The vision day will give you insight to what we (you) should be doing to change the world. I’m just excited to be walking with the life-changer 24/7. No attendance or performance can connect me more to Him than I am right now. Will be walking and talking with Him while I watch my sons play football today.

The feedback from that has generated so far 83 comments and a debate about ‘going to church’ and being ‘connected’, being ‘accountable’ and ‘not neglecting the gathering together.’ I think I find it surprising because I have posted much more radical things than that status with hardly a flutter so why now? Why such a reaction? The empire seems to be striking back. The other thing is, out of those 83 comments in reply and reaction only once have I written anything and that was early on. It all seems to have taken on a life of it’s own. Plus I did not really make a comment about ‘going to church’ in the first place, it was more a comment on those hyped up Sunday morning status updates that I was fed up reading. I really was just saying. Now you would think I would be letting such things go over my head, after all I am walking in my convictions and know the sense of God with me. So why have I been letting it get to me? Why have I taken this all to heart? Why am I so sensitive? I have always been called to walk on a limb, on the edge, speak out the radical, live the margins. So why did God give me such a timid character?

Intimidation, the empires voice.

How many times in the past have I sung ‘be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you?’ How many times have I quoted ‘He did not give me a spirit of timidity but a spirit of love, power and of sound mind.’ Yet here I am feeling a bit disorientated. The comments and questions can actually come from well meaning friends with a pure motive, but there is something sneaky about intimidation it just seems to creep in there, hanging on a word or a phrase or even a look. Inside I don’t feel the champion I just want to cower back into the shell. Like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz I shout out ‘put ‘em up’, but when someone does put them up I just want to run. I want to hide. The voice seems null and void. The old Paul Leader seems to be there still. The one that used to sit in the back of the class at school and say nothing in-case I said the wrong thing. Fear of getting it wrong. Teachers used to always write in my reports ‘wish Paul would take part more in class discussions’. There are loads of people who do not believe I am naturally a shy, introverted young man. They see the pulpit man, the preacher, the prophetic voice, the writer of bold, controversial statements. They fail to see the little boy inside nervous of the repercussions. I often have a few conversations with God about ‘why me?’ Surely there are plenty of others who could be used that would be so much more certain and forthright in this new landscape? People who could confidently give an answer to any question without feeling intimidated. Yet here I am still standing. Still walking. Still proclaiming. Intimidation really is the empires voice. Taking others words and adding a tone, a sharp point, doubt, fear. It comes to render us inactive. It comes to disqualify our walk and talk. It comes to take away our freedom and wants to reign us in again, to control us.

Evidence of God.

Instead of being a warrior for the Lord I feel a weakling. Where is my shield of faith that extinguishes all the fiery darts of the evil one? And yet when I really look at everything that has gone on with my life it screams of the evidence of God. There is no way I could have done or said any of this without there being a God. I do not seek confrontation, in-fact naturally I would avoid it. The timid man inside loves to go with a flow and be agreeable. Yet there is something that seems to dwell in my life that is a voice. It is there inside me and it spills out every now and again. I am compelled to say and do certain things. I say and do them without thinking. It rises up inside me and seems to burst out onto a page or into a listening ear. There must be a God. He must still be with me out here in this marginalised, questioinable place. The empire may be striking back but there is a sense of the return of the jedi. The force is stronger than evil. Perfect love casts out all timidity, even when I still feel weak. When I ask the question ‘why me’ I am reminded that he chooses the weak things of this world. I may not be always able but I am willing. From somewhere a strength comes. God! At this moment because of the backlash I may feel that I want to keep my mouth shut but I know I will open my mouth and put my foot in it again because He has put a fire inside that intimidation will not kill. Empire wants to kill what it cannot control but the stirring keeps coming. I cannot be silent. Isaiah once said to God in my interpretation, ‘you tricked me into this.’ He was welcomed in with bright lights and heavenly visions, in the place of glory, where he could not refuse to say ‘here am I send me.’ Then the rubber hit the road, no one listened to him, they questioned him as a prophet and he thought to himself, ‘I was conned, I only responded because of all the fireworks and the glory. All I have is this crap day after day. I want to shut up and live a normal life, but there is something inside me that compels me to keep going.’ Isaiah I know exactly how you feel.

Flock Together

The whole of life seems to be obsessed with tribes and gangs. We find this concept in the Old Testament with the tribes of Israel, we find it in the history of popular music; mods vs. rockers, punks vs. teds, rave vs. rock, and we also find it in church life; baptist, pentecostal, methodist, emergent, charismatic, evangelical, messianic. Life then becomes a task of trying to fit in somewhere. I am part of the sports people or the boffins or the geeks. From a place of playing in the playground with any and everyone in our young child-hood we soon find our little gang, our niche, people who are maybe a bit like us. We find that it is true that birds of a feather flock together. To be a part of something seems to be an inbred need and desire in mankind, but the problem here lies in the fact that once we find our tribe we can go through the whole of life very blinkered to life. We find ourselves being assimilated into a certain way of living, thinking, dressing and never get exposed to other lines of thought. We build a life with people just like us who themselves are surrounded by people just like us. When someone different then comes on the scene they are immediately labelled as outsiders and will find it very difficult to become part of the gang. That is unless they begin to show characteristics that we recognise or we see a willingness in them to change to become like us. I find this so sad.

Resistance is futile

From the moment I made a decision to follow Christ I have been assimilated by someone somewhere. This is how you need to think, this is what you have to believe. Nurture classes and discipleship classes where I was given teaching and notes on how to interpret the Bible. The fundamental beliefs, the important things. I later discovered that I wasn’t just being assimilated into being a Christian, I was being assimilated to being a certain type of Christian, a Pentecostal one. I was told that I needed to be part of the church and not mix with those that could lead me astray. I needed to fellowship with like-minded people to strengthen my faith and build me up. It was a big bad world out there and I needed to make sure I didn’t backslide or compromise. It wasn’t long before my relationships with people outside the church disappeared. They were not like me. I also found as the journey went on that it was not just difficult to have relationships with unbelievers but there were other churches that I needed to be careful about. They compromised the gospel. They didn’t believe in the baptism of the Holy Spirit or have lively Spirit led worship or freedom in their services. They don’t believe the same stuff. And as for catholics, avoid at all costs!!! All the time the circle of relationship and friendship gets smaller and more specialised. This is my tribe and I belong to them. My identity is found in my group. If I need a church I look for one where I fit in and believe what I believe. If that does not exist I will create one and draw together people that think like me. Birds of a feather flock together. Leadership teams are built with like minded people, people who are yes men to the vision and cause. Thinking differently is seen as rebellion and some leaders have asked folk to look elsewhere for a church more suitable to them. I know that because to my shame I have done a bit of that. How arrogant!!! But we were brought up to think about and live in tribes. Square pegs never fit in round holes.

Scattered and shuffled

I had this thought this week though, so simple and yet so true. Friendship and relationship should never be built on belief and opinion. We need to get back to the simplicity of the playground, become like little children and learn to play and learn with any and everyone. Tribes only create division and superiority. It is time for a scattering and shuffling to take place. We need to awaken to the fact that we don’t find our belonging in gangs and groups, our acceptance in a group of like-minded people, our niche in certain denominations. We already belong in Him. That is the only place we need to dwell, anything else becomes a place of distraction and narrowing down of relationship possibilities. Look at David and Jonathan, two very different men with different agendas and thought processors, yet they had an incredible covenant relationship. Not built on belief or opinion but on love. Our walks have revealed how shallow our relationships are so often because there is a trail of broken relationships scattered all over our past. People have cut off me when I walk a different path, but I have also cut off others. Shallow thinking. This is not relationship built in Him. This kind of relationship is based on something when love is unconditional. That is a different way of thinking. The Body of Christ needs different angles and different ways of thinking. It needs the prophet, the evangelist, the pastor, the apostle, the teacher. Sad thing is in my journey I have found prophetic birds seem to flock around me because I am prophetic. I find it hard to relate to more pastoral people because I find them too inward looking. But the Body needs us both. To be without a perspective creates an unhealthy disabled Body. I need pastoral people in my life.

New Day of Relationship

I long for a new day of relationship, not based on creed or belief or doctrine. Not based on how I translate the word or how I live it out. Not even based on whether I am in or out of faith with Christ. Relationship and friendship based on nothing more than love. I think you can tell the shallowness of a relationship because it will always only talk about what we believe together. Real relationship can be fun, challenging, disagreeable, stretching, out of comfort zone type stuff. Conversation is about any and everything. And the reality of that relationship is built on something more than agreement. Being together, sharing together, having space to be different and yet together. Already belonging but now believing for others to find more in Christ. Not to assimilate them to my creed and set of beliefs, but see them fulfilled in their life and call, however different to my life that may be. Living together in our uniqueness.

Blind Obedience

Had some interesting conversations and thoughts this week concerning leadership, obedience without question, respect for position etc, and the realisation of how much spiritual abuse goes on under the banner of the name of Jesus. Was speaking to a friend from a local church that has a very strong ‘apostolic’ (as in carries a great authority- see this very differently now) senior Pastor. Heard something about what this guy was doing that I thought was a bit strange and just wanted to see my friends angle on things. What followed I found very interesting, more so than what the ‘Pastor’ was doing. There was just this incredible acceptance that because he was the leader and ‘God had spoke to him’ about this situation that it must be right, no questions asked. After all he is the man in authority. He is the one and only that is going to lead us into something amazing because ‘God has told him so’. I all of a sudden was diverted from my original question to a feeling of discomfort at my friends unswerving loyalty and total faith that what he had been told by his leader must be gospel truth. When I first shared this with my wife Allison she said he should be commended for his stance and loyalty to leadership but then after explaining where I was coming from she could see how dangerous this could be. Surely this is where cult leaders have taken loyal people in the past, even to the place of death. This almost untouchable air of anointing. God’s chosen vessel. The old chestnuts come out ‘do not touch the Lord’s anointed.’ That is quite handy to quote when someone disagrees with you, in the past I have probably used it myself. But becoming untouchable almost makes us infallible, not prone to mistake, above the ordinary. This is dangerous ground. Preaching submission but never submitting themselves. Above the law. Using their authority and position to get their own way. When God said ‘do not use the Lord’s name in vain’, I wonder if he really meant the so called blasphemy I hear in the work place or whether he really meant Christians abusing power and authority by saying ‘God has told me’ and adding it to an idea or plan or vision they have? When ‘God’ has told you to do something it is very difficult to argue with it because you are not arguing against me, you are arguing and questioning the Almighty. No wonder so many people,including myself, have got away with so much rubbish. This is a blatant spiritual abuse that has hurt, hindered, rejected, forced away the many. ‘Obey your leaders and submit to their authority.’ These types of verses from Hebrews have been wielded like a sword form pulpits for too long. Just like the ‘submit yourself to your husbands’ have become words of abuse that have undermined women for centuries and kept them out of leadership areas, any verses with the words submit are open to wrong interpretation and open to abuse.

Do I believe in leaders?

Again language doesn’t help here. Like the word ‘church’ it is linked to so much history and abuse now that to use in a new context can sometimes be difficult. Yet there is a feeling that a new breed of ‘leader’ will become evident. I was going to say emerge, but even that means it will rise above. I think the new breed will be carrying towels rather than trowels. Washing feet rather than building empires. Serving the doubters and people that deny him rather than proving a point. Promoting others rather than opinions. Becoming examples of love rather than teachers of fundamental truths. I love the example of the life of Jesus who would always be trying to get rid of crowds but people followed with a sense of intrigue rather than being a part of what he was doing because he told me so. When the crowds walked away he gave the opportunity for everyone to go. He wasn’t in it for the adulation and position, he came to serve. He wasn’t looking for the best seats of influence but the table with the sinners. Do I still believe in leaders? I think that if we are all to become more Christ-like we are all called to be leaders of a new way. Not with pulpits and titles but with a sense of purpose and a whole lotta love. Not telling people how it is done and what to believe but showing them a new way. There has been enough spiritual abuse done in the name of Jesus, and I am not just on about the crusades. This whole air that I hear from God better than you, what pride! It has to stop. We are not infallible. We all only see in part. We all only have an interpretation or perspective. Dare I say it? Yes I do. Even the ‘apostle’ Paul was not infallible. Abraham, Moses, they were not infallible. They were human and humans make mistakes. And so do we. That is why we can never put ourselves in a position of never being questioned. To do so is taking a dangerous stand no better than Waco or any other cultish situation.

Leader or leader

To close here just a slight digression and yet a continuous thought. I love and believe in the significance of names. Seems to be a God thing. Yes my name is Leader. I have heard it all, ‘Leader by name, leader by nature.’ My name is prophetic for my calling. There have been numerous times I have heard this referenced to on my journey. There may be something in that but it is for a new day. The hierarchical call and reference to that name needs to be buried and the call of the towel must arise. But there is also a sense in which this name is prophetic. In anglo-saxon it is not Leader as in ‘follow the leader’, but it means lead (as in the malleable metal) maker or beater. Brings us back to the sound and site of someone shaping something through continuous blows of the hammer. There may be something in that . But don’t just take my word for it!