Way back in time

Been a long time since posting, so will try and ‘correct’ that. Gayle and I are away from home for almost a month and I am replying to emails as best I can on a phone. This is the first day I have managed to hook up to a wifi signal… But been thinking over these days that this year I have a birthday coming up, and as I have not had one of them in a long time I got out the calculator in one hand and the birth certificate in the other, could not believe what it said… changed the batteries and repeated… same response. So decided I would blog away with a few posts on some reminiscences. Now that will be a challenge as it involves memory. My memory for many things is great, but I seldom look back so it means my recollection is either non-existent or probably inaccurate. Great parts of life are forgotten. The strength? Of course there is a strength! The strength is I don’t get stuck but want to move forward. And – only if I were to admit it – the weakness is I have learnt so little as attempts, mistakes, wrong turns are all part of God-given human ability to encourage us to reflect and learn. Explains a lot!!

My larger framework I am working with at the moment is that of reconciliation in four directions – to God, to others, to self and to creation. It opens up a lot of scope and I expect I will cover some of that at a personal level as I blog.

I don’t intend to cover in minute autobiographical detail, but here are some insights from way back… My dad was a farmer so growing up on a farm the outside was almost as much home as the inside. I have no idea how old I was but I do vaguely remember smashing (with a stone?) every pane of glass in a newly built chicken run. No thought at all as to what that meant, no thought that this was wrong or even naughty. No thought of consequences, no conscience. Not normal. I think I have grown beyond that – and do think (now some 6+ decades later) that there are consequences for behaviour and the world does not resolve around one’s own enjoyment.

Second memory is being put in the driving seat of the land-rover and allowed to drive. I think two elder brothers were also on board. At one point one said to me ‘can you see the pile of stones, you’re driving straight toward them?’ I think I answered ‘yes’ but truth be out I could not see them as I was always badly short-sighted. A short time later as one of them grabbed the steering wheel, but too late, as I ploughed straight into a concrete post, thus altering the contours of the land rover for ever! I pretty much think that I was 10 or 11 at the time of the accident. Driving has improved slightly since then.

Short sighted. I do remember thinking at school (in my big class of 7 kids) that I could not understand why the teacher used a blackboard and chalk. No-one could see what was being writing on it. Until I had an eye test (after 5 years of thinking the teacher was evidently stupid for using such equipment) and thus discovered everyone else could see what was written there. Painfully discovering that I was not the ‘norm’ on everything. I still am learning that – we are all different and to some extent eccentric.

And my final memory for this blog is that of buying my first laced up leather soccer ball. Bought at Leonard’s shop for the price of 21 shillings (yes I grew up under pounds, shilling and pence). A leather ball that lost its shape, weighted a ton when in the wet grass, but meant I could run and kick it around for hours on end. Rain or sun made no difference. Not sure if I have grown out of that, but having played football in the street against two young kids I did decide my call-up to the Scottish national team is not going to come any time soon.

Maybe all kids are stupid? But one of the best lessons in life I have learnt is I am not that smart. I did well at school but I think cos I had a good memory and discovered how to negotiate exams. Doing well in that way can lead to the deception of being smart. I was not and continue to be amazed how slow I am to learn. Ah well – assuming I will have as many more birthdays as I have had (!!!!) I might even become a little smarter than I am today, though probably not.

On not too smart, one thing I have realised is that I am not a good reader. I can read words but do not have a high level vocabulary nor comprehension. It is far better for me to listen to someone so as I grasp what they are communicating then later I might be able to read anything they wrote. A good lesson for me was moving to Spain and saying good-bye to a reference library of some 2000+ books. Accept your limitations.

When Sue was 40 she had a list of guests and celebrated. She asked – and you what about your 40th (7 months later). I replied with I will do nothing as I have not got to that stage where I have accomplished anything, but maybe talk to me when I am 55, maybe then I will have made enough mistakes to have matured a little. Fast forward… eve of my 55th and cycling along a wet path, a man walks out, I instinctively hit the back brake, but the back brake handle in the UK is the front brake handle in Spain. Front brake locks, I go over the top and land with the handle bar into my ribs – broken rib as a result. OUCH. Maybe I hadn’t learnt enough?

So now coming up to the 70 marker, at last the mature Martin is arriving.