Simon Scott (I, not being egocentric, just have to note the quality surname) is someone I have quite often dalogued with and have been challenged and impacted by his thoughts and writings. What follows is taken from his substack with his permission. It also fits in here with respect to the post I wrote yesterday on how we create god in our image. His substack link is below:
https://personcentredtheology.substack.com
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve returned to university for my second year of MA Counselling training- it’s going to be busy. I’ll start meeting real clients in the next few weeks, continue academic study and and dive into very intentional personal development. It’s all personal development really and I’ve stopped seeing it as simply ‘training’ but life in a very real way. It isn’t practice for life, it is life. That mental shift is important for me; it keeps me focused on the now and the people in front of me and not on a future goal of counselling perfection, as if!
I suspect counselling training may be quite unique in the depth of interaction between students. The person-centred approach is especially so because relationship is at its heart. Personal development is there for the privilege of being invited into relationship with others and their lives with all its pain and joy. And that starts with my fellow students and tutors.
There is a key question at the heart of it all which is;
Who am I and who can I be for others? maybe that’s two questions! Either way, it’s one we can all ask.
The question has brought a very specific focus for me as one of just two men on my course (that’s 8%). Everyone is amazingly warm and generous making my fellow male human and I comfortable in our surroundings. Unfortunately, I can’t be sure that a woman in my position surrounded by men would feel as comfortable or be made to feel as safe and as welcome as we are. I’d love to be wrong, but I don’t think I am. I’ve asked, I’m not wrong.
On one of the first days 12 months ago, I read a news article on male identity and the high level of sexual abuse among university students1. Everywhere you look sections of masculinity are doing all they can to live up to the ‘toxic’ label that turns up with increasing frequency. I could give you many more headlines, but I wonder if some of you reading this may be consciously limiting your news intake. If you are then I completely understand…yet.
The issue of an ongoing epidemic of violence against women is revealed in so many different guises within those headlines. It exists alongside violence and abuse of so many groups whose identities make them the ‘others’ outside of power and priviledge and even extends to the earth we share. There are common roots to all of this.
Patriarchy, the control of others through power by men, is refusing to go quietly.
I read a sign recently that said, ‘if you are not outraged then you are not paying attention’. I know there are men who are attentive, but far from all. Women already know the reality. I suggest that we (men) need to pay attention, for the wellbeing of others and for our own wellbeing.
Why also for men’s wellbeing? Because True self-identity cannot be found through oppression and subjugation of others as it fractures the relationships that are needed for identity to be fully and healthily realised.
Patriarchy does not do empathy, ask Elon. If part of your identity is rooted in authority and power over others, then empathy and non-judgment are simply out of reach. It looks weak in their eyes, and patriarchy runs scared of appearing weak.
The refusal to exert power over others is central to the person-centred approach so as a person-centred practitioner I am not the expert on another person’s life. Power over others is the antithesis to non-judgement, empathy and genuineness. Every person is the expert on their own lives and has within them the means to find the solutions they need to be the person they know themselves to be. Having said that there is always recognition that we live in a social context which means balancing individual and collective needs.
My take on Jesus is that he refused to control others and demonstrated this in how he lived and invited others to live in this same way of being. I haven’t the energy for a rational theological argument on this right now- I’m sure I could do a half decent job, but I’m not sure rational academic argument is enough to bring change.
Maybe pause and consider the statements above in bold and examine the power we carry in the world and the effect that has on ourselves and others. Sometimes we need to silence rational arguments and engage with emotions, intuition and our spirits to examine the consequences of what we believe and therefore what we support. Does it feel right? Are there other perspectives?
Feminist theologian Rosemary Radford Reuther wrote a paper entitled ‘can a male saviour save women?2 Christina Cleveland3 added another layer by asking how can (maybe ‘why should?’) black women relate to a patriarchal, white, male God-why indeed! As a white man, I’d never thought about that. Of course I hadn’t. I hadn’t learned to view the stories I’d inherited from someone else’s perspective until I got to university 30 yrs ago. I hate admitting that, but also the fact it took me so long to ask decent questions! Reuther asked the question because the dominant tradition, the one I first encountered faith in and still exists today, always uses male language for God. We are now in a time where the divine feminine language is being recovered and bringing great insight and freedom. God isn’t a man. But that’s still controversial because years of subjugation and patriarchy refuse to let go.
Back to where I started, I am left with a variation on Reuther’s question. How can a male (counsellor) be a safe companion to a woman (client) or for anyone else for whom my maleness could be a barrier?
What is mine to do and what is not mine to do?
What is mine to say and what is not mine to say?
Patriarchy sucks the joy out of life and is doing so on the global stage. It denies the possibility of mutuality, equality, the care and empowerment of others and care for the earth.
This week I heard that joy is an act of resistance. I like that.
Finding joy in relationships that cross divides is a place we can all start. What is the view from someone else’s perspective? I am in awe at the courage I find in others.
Apparently, empathy is toxic to patriarchy-what a great idea!
Every joy
Simon
P.S. A poem I wrote to grapple with the headlines and feelings
Adamah meets Chavah
Earthling meets life being
Mutual, relational, sacred, whole human
More than female, more than male
UK 2025, 100 lights lost at the hand of Adam
USA 2026 Adam caged, ready to fight,
A role model embodying a nation’s values a spokesperson says
Myth offers life
Power obscures the image for gain,
Full Knowledge, no plausible deniability
Yesterday, today, tomorrow
Full circle, tears fall on hard ground
Every moment a choice
The price of freedom
Creatures of the myth, children still,
Resuscitated, awakening, living breath
He, we, her, they, them seeking being
Slow walk into divine likeness
Embodying the deep knowledge of love hard won
1 Clarke, H., & Doughty, E. (2025, September 25). Thousands of students report sexual violence at university. BBC News. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cq65z20pde2o
2 Ruether, R. R. (1983). Sexism and god-talk: Towards a Feminist theology. SCM.
3 Cleveland, C. (2022). God is a black woman. Harperone.